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27 December 2011, 04:13
December 2011 Blues
I finally found some time to write something here on tumblr and only because I am sick with the flu. I sleep in all day to avoid feeling all the pain from my sore throat, head congestion, and high fevers. I cannot remember the last time I felt like this. I hope it's not time for a second heart surgery yet because I would just die. Not literally, but the fact that I would have to fly back to Cali all alone for a surgery that would cost me all the money in my savings account would leave me in financial death considering I no longer have health insurance. The perks of becoming an adult, joyyyy. Nothing seems to help me right now. I've taken just about all the flu medications you can name from NyQuil to Theraflu to Tylenol PM to Vicks and yadda yadda yadda. It would be useless to go to our local hospital here on Guam because they're just going to tell me the obvious truth of me having a flu and to get some rest, so I'd waste time and money by resorting to GMH. I am so thankful I was able to find a doctor for me to see tomorrow. I haven't seen a doctor since I turned 19 and that was a couple of months ago. Not seeing a doctor in months was a bad decision on my part because I'm a heart patient and I have to be in careful watch because anything and everything can happen to me instantly. Sometimes this heart condition is good thing, but right now it isn't. I'm battling every opportunity of bed rest to stay active because the more I do nothing, the more pain I feel. I despise having such a weak immune system. The family problems I am experiencing do not even begin to measure up the indescribable struggle I face daily. My biological mother straightforwardly told me to stay sick because I accused her of being an unfit mother once again to my little sister who had informed me of malnutrition! I continue to stay strong in spite of all the bad in this world because I know God has a plan for everyone and I know that his plan for me will be achievable regardless of the misfortune I feel I am bombarded with. Until then, I will continue to pray for better days and try to keep my head up for the sake of my grandma and my siblings: the most important people in my life counting on me to help bring them out of the musty and dark forest of troubles.
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I'm a soul-consuming individual. Passion extends to immense measures through my initiation. I write with reason. Occasionally, I make logic, but it's rare to become on a stable comprehensive level with me for I am naturally unpredictable. I am big on spontaneity and I get a radiant kick out of adventure. I love tremendously. I don't expect to become famous but I do have high standards when assumed to encounter someone fresh. I choose whom I want to stay and assist me in living and all that luxurious privileges. Not the girl next door. I'm not ordinary, not amazing.