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16 August 2010, 16:03
Life After You
I possess the feelings of misery and pain. Like many other millions, I've encountered an urge to give up because suddenly it seems as if everything I do results as meaningless. Did you ever lose someone who played such a significant and daily role in your life? Did you ever think that maybe your life would cease because of such an uneventful occasion? Doesn't it cause so much hurt and so much blanks covering your mind with bold question marks and thousands of ellipsis statements?
I wish I had more to live for. Honestly. "We win some, we lose some." I am referring to everything: competitions, friends, feelings, people, objects. As long as some effort is exhibited then you can realize that even the slightest effort counts for something. In the end, everyone will die. So bend rules, build extensive boundaries. Live life to its fullest, no matter how cliche I may sound. Laugh as much as you possibly can. Love until you feel you can't love no more. Cry when you want or need to. Never hold back thoughts that should be thought about aloud.
The past seventeen years of my life involved a lot of phases, stages, and experience. I've learned a lot from myself and the people around me. I've learned that nothing lasts forever and acceptance really feels like rejection at times and life is just contradictory regardless of how you percieve perfection. People do things. We make decisions with both our minds and our hearts.
I've learned that no matter the circumstance, everyone has a little good in them. Everyone. You can be the world's most horrible person, but you still have feelings and you still have soul. I've learned to be the bigger person in our games of drama and immaturity. One less wrinkle on my forehead. It's inevitable to live life with no regrets because we all make mistakes and mistakes can sometimes be mistaken for regrets.
I'm prepared to lose majority of myself in just a few weeks. I'm prepared for sleepless nights and feeling hopeless. I'm prepared to have meltdowns. I'm prepared for crying until my eyes run dry. I'm prepared for depression, basically.
But I am also prepared to turn my sleepless nights into writing sessions. And my feelings of hopeless into feelings of motivation. And meltdowns to losing weight. I'm prepared for maturity, basically.
14 August 2010, 20:44
I miss writing to get things off my chest/mind.
My, oh my. This summer has been insane. I can't believe all that has happened. It's too much to go into detail, but I miss writing sooooo why not. Where do I begin? College starts in three days. Time, what have you done? And the pain I've been harboring. It's unrealistic. "No pains, no gains." Lincoln quoted. I've gained strength to keep my chin up high this time around. The weather is pissing me off more than usual. My body became best friends with fat. Thank goodness for laughing though. It seems I'm not making sense. Here we go again.
Well, basically I've typed a statement withholding a taste of what's been happening in my life. I must admit, it's been complicated. I'm a complication, I know. I need comfort. More comfort than what an ice cream carton holds.
I'm going to miss my best friend when he leaves in approximately two months.
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I'm a soul-consuming individual. Passion extends to immense measures through my initiation. I write with reason. Occasionally, I make logic, but it's rare to become on a stable comprehensive level with me for I am naturally unpredictable. I am big on spontaneity and I get a radiant kick out of adventure. I love tremendously. I don't expect to become famous but I do have high standards when assumed to encounter someone fresh. I choose whom I want to stay and assist me in living and all that luxurious privileges. Not the girl next door. I'm not ordinary, not amazing.