Sepia-tone Loving

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I'm a soul-consuming individual. Passion extends to immense measures through my initiation. I write with reason. Occasionally, I make logic, but it's rare to become on a stable comprehensive level with me for I am naturally unpredictable. I am big on spontaneity and I get a radiant kick out of adventure. I love tremendously. I don't expect to become famous but I do have high standards when assumed to encounter someone fresh. I choose whom I want to stay and assist me in living and all that luxurious privileges. Not the girl next door. I'm not ordinary, not amazing.
	19 April 2010, 11:56 Heartbreak heartache warfare Sometimes I wonder how time caught up with me. I wonder why I was able to obtain all wished for even just for a tiny spec in time. I wonder how all the i's were dotted, all the t's crossed. I wonder how something desired for so long could be so easily achieved with the instant of attraction and spark of interest. I wonder how people can fall so in love, but fall so out of it too. I wonder how it's possible to spend countless hours participating in insomnia. I wonder why tears possess salt water. I wonder how much it really takes to display an emotion of great significance. I wonder why music can so easily relate to life situations. I wonder why it is natural for people to rely on other people in great times of need. I wonder why people become insecure with others, with themselves. I wonder why there is no way to guarantee make two people possess the same great and equal amount of happiness or satisfaction. I wonder why I choose to say things I probably don't entirely mean, but feel I mean so anyway. I wonder why we never seem to skip a wave of confrontation. I wonder why we're still here; why we didn't end up on different paths yet. I wonder how many times we'd have to prove ourselves, if possible.I wonder how many times we'd feel the necessity to just let go. I wonder what I am supposed to say in situations where words can't really aid me. I wonder why I don't have much doubt or selfless suffering in our everyday activity. I wonder when I will be able to finally cease all thoughts in writing rather than speaking. I wonder what I'll be doing an hour, a day, a week, a month, or a year from now. I wonder what freedom we think we have. I wonder what I'll say the next time I see you. I wonder if we'll be that one audacious pair of people a lot of people believe in. I wonder if we'll ever reach that one stage of absolute whole. 14 April 2010, 00:29 Crossing my fingers for more opportunities If you asked me an hour or two ago how I was feeling, I would have said that I was extensively happy and just about ready to assume my oh so fantastic day. I would have disregarded any sarcasm intended and certainly, I would have felt comfortable with how everything was today. I would have finished all my assignments with the intent of clearing my busy schedule. I would have greatly accepted anything edible for I am one with a mighty appetite. I would have slept well and dreamt about excessive wonderful things. I would have been smiling from that period of time until now. You see all these would have's are a bunch of mumbo jumbo mix-ups. It's unexplainable and really sad that I would have experienced all those would have's if I didn't discover something I definitely shouldn't have or wouldn't have if I had an opportunity to redo what's been done. You can suggest what I am mentioning and add your own twist to it, but quite frankly, I am the only person. Yes. The only person who knows what this is truly about regardless of the people involved. One thing I cannot stand is being lied to. Not once, twice, but three times. Third time's the charm, but look how it's caused me so much fucking harm. I don't know if I can display the same affection I had for you two or three hours ago. I don't know if you're choosing 'that' over me. I don't know if I still trust you. I don't know if we'll ever go back to the way we once were. I don't know a lot of things right now, but I do know one thing. And that one thing is that you lied to me. Not only did you lie to me when I asked you a question, but you had a story backing that lie and I find that to be beyond pathetic. Really. I am not sure how to feel anymore. Angry. Annoyed. Betrayed. Hurt. Morose. Unfortunate. Accepting. Loyal. Confused? Honestly, I want to know why you chose to lie to me. I'm not feeling the way I am feeling (and it may or may not be upset) because of what you did. I am just feeling the way I am feeling because I was lied to. Face to face confrontation LIED TO. I would be nonchalant and let this slide. But I am tired and really really really nostalgic right now that I do not know if I can handle feeling all that I am feeling or not feeling all that I should be feeling. I'm basically just crossing my fingers for more opportunities for revelations.