Sepia-tone Loving

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I'm a soul-consuming individual. Passion extends to immense measures through my initiation. I write with reason. Occasionally, I make logic, but it's rare to become on a stable comprehensive level with me for I am naturally unpredictable. I am big on spontaneity and I get a radiant kick out of adventure. I love tremendously. I don't expect to become famous but I do have high standards when assumed to encounter someone fresh. I choose whom I want to stay and assist me in living and all that luxurious privileges. Not the girl next door. I'm not ordinary, not amazing.
	30 April 2009, 03:49 Manipulation and disappointment We often get ourselves trapped in complicated situations we weren't thoroughly aware of. We always tend to let our guards down. We sometimes trust too easily and find ourselves manipulated as a result. We are only human. Why is it that we are plainly fooled and tricked into believing that other people or another person is on your side all the time when you're bound to be set up for disappointment? Why did you take that frisk of faith to confide in such an undercover resentful person? Sometimes I think to myself and I ask, "self(INSIDE JOKE), how could you let something like this happen to you?" How could you? It is only utterly and hands down stupid to accept all the obvious letdowns. It was comprehensible when they had their infamous puppy-dog faces on and that almost evil smirk right smack on their faces, that you were allured into such a horrible plan. Tell me, do you honestly trust someone whom you secondhandedly met to be your every regard, your every self-visage, your reliance? It is definitely insane to look at you hand me out of everyone else down as if I am not dependent enough. I took several steps back and remembered who I was, who I stood for. I am the future. I deserve that position, that title. I will take the initiative to prove it to you, as I proved it to myself. I am beyond surprised at your fatal actions, words. I am what is best for everyone. Look pass all the non-believers and biased people; darling it's not a popularity contest though it really is. Time came back for me. It's their choice, MY choice and not yours. I can't stop thinking about those few minutes of remorse I nearly had for myself and for you. As I stop to realize what happened to professionalism, I couldn't help but subtly giggle at your words. You will rue everything; regret. I will show you whether or not you're up for believing what you see. You underestimate me, tutz. I am appalled, but at the same time glad you took the time to confront, consult, talk, whatever with me. 23 April 2009, 07:07 Reinstated Soul I can never bring myself to admit that I have truly let go. I can never imagine myself without another person to confide in. I can never taste redemption if you decide to disappear. I can never respond to the guilt you have provided me with. I can never contribute to your inner happiness. I can never obtain bittersweet success. I can never love the way you do. I can never accept the vow you constantly take on. I can never respect grotesque ideals the way you have. I can never run from this consecutive chase. I can never foresee a future intersecting the present. I can never explain how I deeply feel for you. I can never fail to inform you of your wrongdoings. I can never reveal the truth. ♥ Do you remember the times I helped you repair a broken relationship? Or perhaps when you gave me a pointless gift? Maybe you remember telling me you love me or letting me float away? Do you remember my name or my favorite color? Do you remember the ridiculous conversations we'd have at any given time of day? Or the drama that revolved around us, but never was traced back to our responsibility? Do you remember the lectures we'd get when we'd talk too loud? Or suppose you recall my favorite song? I remember you requesting my presence when it was not needed. And offering me advice when I didn't even ask. I remember you being a shoulder to lean on. And sitting by the pallets, expressing to me your thoughts. I remember it like it was yesterday, the time I finally saw that you and I were different; still untangling the knots. It's unbelievable, the intensity we build. Whether we're out shooting hoops or conversing in the car, I am amused. Amused by the very scent you bring with you. The way your foot slides back when you are about to propel forward. The way your eyes grow big when you are told terrible news. The way I envision a toothpick about to flutter abrupt. The way your voice entails no regret regardless of the things you have said. I miss your subtle indelicacies. The taste of desire lingering on your skin pulls even my internal ache within. This feeling is that of a rainbow, I can never grasp the attraction though I fumble as I attempt to discover why it is I am extremely star-struck of the mere and temporary hope for this unyielding precaution. 22 April 2009, 08:03 English Lit. BS W29E1 Writing Suggestion#1 - Mess List of potential words to define: I would define life because it can be interpreted in several ways, good and bad, right and wrong. It's also indescribable itself and all that jazz. Love is never entirely felt and its definition is seemingly words you just can't compare to the real deal. Do you know the difference between love and being in love? Happiness can be summed up in a wine and dine dinner date. Boundaries are non-existent, don'tcha think? Success builds on failure. Unpredictibility is so contradictory. Confidence has no limitations. Sophistication is class. To compare and constrast tall, lenghty, and limited. Optimism is key. Scandal for future reference. Indefinite versus infinite and forever. W29E4 CP: Cleaning out the closet I have encountered our dear friend, C O N F U S I O N, once again. It has merely proved happiness can be temporary. And by doing so, the thought of an outcome is scary. I may be losing feelings, or may be losing hope, and if I choose to let go ~ I bet you'll have a rope. My mind is not helping and my thoughts are all a jumble. I can't seem to run away, so I mumble and rumble with my words... Why do you have to be so sincere? Why are you everything I ask for? I am not worthy of love. I'd say you deserve more. These past few days have been dreadful. I am falling in and out of love. You are convinced to pull. Pull me back closer, harder, and fast. This engagement has to last. Remarkably, I have been attached. Attached to you for so long, and no matter the circumstance, you'll never thing we're wrong. Wrong for each other is contradictory. Each heartbeat you encounter, you say it's for me. Thus, I am taking this opportunity to finally say and purposely that darling, I love thee. W33E4 CP: Closure I am confronted by a man of misery. He needs my company nonetheless. I take this as a chance to be 'in his shoes.' I am simply jittery. He's a good soul, previously corrupted. A heart in need of love. A volcano erupted. We engage in deep conversation; we needed this. I have the courage to prevent his bad vibes. We aren't even close to done. You're good and you're bad. It depends on what you will have, have, and had. Intriguing, intoxicating, fascinating and possibly attractive; not just mentally. "You only meet a certain someone once in a lifetime and you could just be mine." You're a good soul for ages. Longer than time itself. More beautiful than beauty itself. The End. 16 April 2009, 06:34 Inner inquiry Pre-judgment. How do I feel about pre-judgment? Crucial is one word, but one word isn't enough to describe how perilous pre-judgment can be. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, pre-judgment is defined as a theory made before full and sufficient examination. I would define it as a typical high school process that every single student in the entire student population will undergo when greatly and almost shamefully involved in cliques. Why fuss over someone pre-judging you when in return, you're probably doing the same about that person? I constantly overhear things I ascertainly do not want to hear. Less is said in quiet and enclosed areas though, yuhknow? "Who does she think she is?" "Does she even know what she is doing?" "What is she wrong with her?" My opinion to the world: speak louder so they can hear you. Gossiping, though it is practiced everywhere, leads you to nothing but drama. The word drama will bring me to a whole nother topic and it would take days to understand why drama is such a complex word. Despite all its multiple meanings and conflict it creates, it sometimes but not often can lead to good things. Honestly, this is but a thought for the day. Thank you for misjuding who I am, announcing how much of a fake you think I am, pretending to actually like me for who I am, and above all being the biggest two-faced being I know and trashing me for who you think I am. Ciao, :) 08 April 2009, 19:35 Time after Time All of these could've, should've, would've beens are a bit too much, really. In response to hearing about all the apologies and pain you probably experienced, it's comforting to know that you know what you've surpassed. I constantly think to myself how did I end up with the things you declined most. I'm really happy and all, but how come it doesn't feel enough to be happy? Why do all the enduring memories ascend now when they meant a lot a year or two ago? Why are these realizations coming to you now? Why do I have this feeling in my gut that maybe it's not too late to turn back? I just want to anticipate better thoughts, better days. I already know, I'm positive one-hundred percent, that it can't get any better than this, but it's still not enough. A moment in time. 'He's sorry for being two years too late.' "I want to make it up to you because I feel as if I owe you."